And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
