You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
