So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
