I got chris browned last night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
