Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
