I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
