I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
