Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize