I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
