Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
