just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
