I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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