i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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