I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize