Don't make out with my wife yet
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
