so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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