Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
