I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
