I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
