Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
