new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
they need to just BURY HIM!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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