'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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