I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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