So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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