Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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