I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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