Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
