It's Friday. Sex?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
