clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
