ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
