I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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