I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
