there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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