OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
