Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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