I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
