loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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