i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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