Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
