I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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