John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
