I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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