There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
