Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
