i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I believe in your delicious
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
