You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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