she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
