i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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