My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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