somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
