i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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