Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
