very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
