As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
