why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
