if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize