It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
