If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
