my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
