She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize