hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
