I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize