his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
