As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
