I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Randomize
