Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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