The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
