his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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