eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize