Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
