Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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