I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
