it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
