I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
