Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize