He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
