i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
