He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
