what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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