think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
