His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
