Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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