It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
