i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
time to smoke my breakfast
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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