Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
