A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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