and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Enjoy the penises
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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