I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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