my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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