I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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