I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
