bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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