Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Randomize
