You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
