she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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