I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
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