Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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