I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
