The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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