he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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