i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
