fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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