I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
