I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i drank out of a bidet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
